Mega Panel Talkshows in France

Say what you want about France (its: cuisine, philosophers, fashion) but their TV just downright sucks. I never tried to find out why this is the case, 2 theories I came up with: 1) people are too busy spending entire evenings eating out in restaurants so no one watches anyway - hence all the crap on TV. 2) The french penchant for recycling the same sh*t over and over again.

The rest of the world might be getting used to checking in on cnn.com 100 times a day for 5secs at a time but news move in slo-mo in the grand nation and possibly viewers are not satisified until a subject has been discussed at very great lengths. America may have "The View" but France has probably 10 mega-panel TV shows. The format is simple: invite at least ten celebrity guests, make them sit around in a semi-circle, let the host drop a keyword and it's on (see picture) ... This way, you'll find public figures from all kinds of backgrounds chip in their 2 centimes on anything from crazy dictators in northern Africa to Hollywood star infidelities. You'll have those shows occupying essentially all the prime slots.

I forgot theory 3) ... so much money is wasted on producing panel shows that there's no cash left to actually dub a couple of decent TV shows from across the pond ;-)

Kaffee trinken Homosexuelle

Sag es einfach mal laut vor dich hin: "Ich schlucke als Typ eine warme Flüssigkeit. Damit ich sie leichter runterbekomme, muss sie noch künstlich gesüßt werden."

Wenn es einem ums wach werden geht gibt es noch genügend andere Optionen wie Koffeintabletten oder Energy Drinks von der Tankstelle. Männer, die warme Getränke aus Überzeugung bevorzugen, sind soft. Das gilt auch für Tee- und Glühwein-Trinker...

Brothel Owner / Miami Beach Workout

Kim Kardashian at age 14.

DAY 1: Brust, Beine, Trizeps

Brustpresse/Tripzeps
Butterfly
Dipmaschine
Trizepsmaschine
Seitenhebe Maschine
Pushdowns
Beinpresse
Bauchmaschine
Beinstrecker
Beinheben im Stütz
Bankdrücken
KH Schulterdrücken
KH Seitenheben
KH Schulterheben
Crunches
Pushups

DAY 2: Rücken, Bizeps 

Latzug breit
Rudern sitzend am Kabelzug
Klimmzugmaschine
Butterfly Reverse
T-Bar Rudern Obergriff
Bizepsmaschine
LH Bizepscurls
Ruderzugmaschine
Latzugmaschine
Latzug Untergriff
Außenroation am Kabelzug
KH Bizepscurls

Auto-Post Option

Charisma Carpenter

Diesen Post habe ich automatisch um 11:00 Uhr ins Netz stellen lassen, damit es so aussieht, als hätte ich einen geregelten Schlafrhythmus. Schließlich bin ich kein Vampier, der nachts Seiten mit fragwürdigem Inhalt frequentiert.

And please donate money to keep this blog grenade free!

Entertainment for the masses.

... so my flatmate who's in her early 30s has never heard of:

• Harry Potter
• Lord of the Rings
• The Matrix Trilogy

and I believe her. I am not a hardcore fan of any one of these multi-billion dollar franchises but damn - not even KNOWING of their existence is like living in 1930s Germany and being oblivious to "Mein Kampf".

Jersey Shore Season 4

1001 Nacht

Still contemplating whether we should start a Jungs in Arabien/Jungs im Orient spinnoff video-blog where we fart in a megaphone during M***** pray** sess****. What y'all think? Back to another topic: I hope Jersey Shore Season 4 gets filmed in Northern Italy (close to Switzerland) or Sardinia and not at Vinny's parents house in Sicily, so that I can make my reality television debut. If the Jersey Shore cast can pick up the Italian language in 2 months, I can do that shit in 2 weeks.

(Posted edited by the request of my overly politically correct co-blogger)

X-Diaries Mandy Doppel D

"Ich steh nen Abend lang an der Theke und hab am Ende mehr Hoes mit Doppel-D abgeschleppt als der ADAC in Dresden"

- Kollegah 

Übertriebener Fremdwörtergebrauch & Busty Women

"Eine Anleitung zum Desktop Publishing lässt uns wissen, dass beim Software-Engineering das Human Interface beachtet werden muss zur Stress-Reduction am Workplace."

Der Fremdwort Jargonist will nicht vermitteln, sondern predigen, nicht erläutern, sondern blenden, nicht anderen etwas mitteilen, sondern sich selbst in Szene setzen. Deswegen sind Imponier-Anglizismen dort zu befürworten, wo sie lediglich zur Erhöhung des eigenen sozialen bzw. intellektuellen Ansehens dienen - wie z.B. auf Blogs im Internet.

Pictured: Erica Campbell (Source: Negerforum)

Money Never Sleeps

That's why you gotta stop googling "Selena Gomez nude pictures" and get your shine on.

Ripped Body

Do the DJ Khaled test: stand naked in front of the mirror and bounce up & down like a angry squirrel, and if something wobbles you're out of shape. (balls not included)

Asozialer Azzlack

Die Limousinen sind deutsch, die Uhren aus der Schweiz
das Steak argentinisch, die Huren aus Tschechei
die Kugel aus Blei, das Blut aus deim Fleisch
Turban um den Hals, ich bin Kurde du weißt

... I save energy by shitting in the dark.

... as a side effect it helps to calm the nerves, especially true for @work toilet visits. Oh, and the first person to quote the first law of thermodynamics in the comments has herpes!

Fat Guy Eating In Car Theory

I want to introduce you to the fat guy eating in car theory today. When you see a fat guy eating in a car you usually think: "Wow, what an undisciplined human being and what a waste of sperm." When you see a thin guy eating in a car you are like: "Wow, this guy gets it in. This is probably his first meal of the day, he's a tireless workhorse."

The same applies for ring girls in MMA. The girls working for high profile organizations like the UFC are called "aspiring models". The ones in minor league combat sports are called "strippers".

... even if you are a frequent flyer!

Wer ausser mir, haelt noch Blickkontakt mit den Stewardessen (und Stewards /no homo) waehrend sie die Notfallainstruktionen kurz vor dem Start vorfuehren obwohl man sie schon oft genug gehoert hat? Ich tue das aus reiner Hoeflichkeit obwohl es a) dem Kabinenpersonal egal ist und b) in wirklichen Notfallsituation eh nichts hilft, weil b 1) alle in Panik geraten, weil das b 1.1) menschlich ist aber auch weil b 1.2) keine Sau (ausser mir) bei den Instruktionen zugehoert hat - am wahrscheinlichsten aber b 2) eh alles zu spaet ist, wenn der Notfall erstmal eintritt.

KLM Stewardess

First of all, Happy New Year! We look forward to serving you in 2011.

God bless France or at least sth about frog eater country. Hit up YouPorn.com and type in "Stewardess" and you will see 2 videos of a KLM girl in action - showing off topless in an airplane.
This is real and not fake. #t2f

In 2011, I'd like to do more for the community. I am going to start reading (my biography) to overprivileged kids.